the "reverse" God Moment

Every one loves "God Moments" the times you look back on and know that you know that God was doing some crazy stuff in you. The times when you just felt God moving. I have had plenty of "God Moments" in my life, when I thought I was gonna change my world and be on fire for the rest of my life and go go go...and then I'd fall flat on my face.

Well this week the Youth had "the Awakening" a crazy revival that was pumped full of God every night. It was one of those events you just KNOW is gonna rock you to the core.

Except it didn't.

Oh God showed up alright. Every service God did some amazing things in peoples lives, people were changed, lives were changed, and "God Moments" were experienced.

Except for me.

All week long I went into it hoping to find God, hoping to break into some incredible moment, some great heart felt worship. I wanted to have a "God Moment", but it never happened, not even tonight when God took the entire plan for the night, flipped it on its head, and hit it with a baseball bat.

It got me on my knees. I talked a lot, out loud, hoping God was listening. It forced me to be honest with myself. I didn't know what was going on or what I was supposed to do. I really did expect God to show up randomly and say "Ok, I'm here...God Moment" but it never happened.

I think He gave me a little perspective. OK, He gave me a lot of perspective. He proved that while I need Him, He does not need me. He gave me a place from which to restart my relationship with Him. I will need help. I will need a lot of help, from God and from the people He has put in my life.

God made a point NOT to show up to me this week. It hurt. I still don't know exactly where to go, what to do, or even how to understand what his plan in this is, but I do know that I don't ever want to have to be reminded that I'm slacking on my relationship with Him.

I know now how God feels when He calls out to me and I don't listen...

ER

My family as a rule does not like the hospital. If some one doesn't make us go chances are we will not go. Take the least amount of fun you could ever have and them multiply it and then double that and make it last a couple of hours (day/weeks depending) and you have a hospital experience.

Some people just go to the hospital, weather they are indifferent about the situation, or are still annoyed that they have to go but would rather be safe. My family (especially the guys) would rather wait it out... I mean like you tell me an illness/issue and I'll show you a group of people who would seriously consider sitting in the recliner and saying: "Got to die some time"

we don't like hospitals.



after my first visit to the ER in a long time (last time I went to the ER was before I started school) I have reinforced the dislike of hospitals...two hours and a fluffy white bandage later and I'm leaving the ER wondering why I let myself talk myself into going in the first place... and then I remember how much my thumb had been hurting prior. I still say it would have been fine with out the fancy solution they made me soak it in for that two(ish) hours.

Happy 4th of July

the 4th of July is probably the greatest holiday for the American people. sure, you don't get gifts, but you do get to hang out with loved ones and celebrate the greatest experiment the world has ever known.

Being a red blooded American I absolutely love the fourth of July. being a self proclaimed pyromaniac I also absolutely love shooting off fireworks.

I'm so thankful that every year we are able to celebrate the sacrifice that was made to make this country great. Sure, there are things that are messed up. Sure there are things I don't agree with. But for all the mistakes and trouble and problems this is still the "Land of the Free and the home of the Brave"

God Bless America!

Some times God's not talking...

but usually I'm just not listening...

"the fire"

A poem

I stumbled on this while I was going through some old .doc files. It's a poem I wrote after my Grandmother passed away this winter. Turns out some of the saddest days of our lives can also me the most beautiful.

It snowed today in Brooklyn, a family pays their due

A friend for life lies peacefully, our hearts are cut in two

With sadness in our hearts, we let her pass away

And wonder to our self, why she couldn’t stay

We wipe our tears with laughter, from the days gone by

Of memories and stories, of her and you and I

And though our hearts are heavy, though tears will sting our eyes

We whisper now “I love you”, and say our last good byes

The winter morns her passing, and sends one final gift

And while the world is freezing, a snow’s begun to drift

Beauty despite sadness, in our memory will be

And despite our morning, remember a beautiful scene

It snowed today in Brooklyn, and it will be a while

So until I see you, I love you grandma...

Life: it's good

ever have one of those moments when everything just clicked? Even if you were in the middle of crazy stress and things you sit down and realize how wonderful life is and just want to be lazy and enjoy it for a while. I feel like that.

I've got a crazy two weeks ahead of me, and have had some crazy days last week, and just events in general lately have been starting to take a toll on me, but right now I feel amazing. Even though I know I've been kinda stressed I feel great, relaxed (if a bit tired) and just ready for whatever comes next.

It's one of God's small gifts, the little moments that we get to sit back, relax, and realize how amazing life really is.

"I see trees of green, red roses too,
I see them bloom for me and you,
and I think to myself, what a wonderful world,
I see skies of blue, clouds of white,
bright blessed days, dark sacred nights,
and I think to myself, what a wonderful world."

I do believe this is part of what God had in mind when he said "life more abundantly"