some of my first attempts at ink drawings... I need to clean my lens...

"Love over all"


random character sketch. this is both his first time in ink and color.


this was my final project from my design class at Trident.
"one to many mushrooms" or "Mario meets the mushrooms"

some things that melt the plastic.

some times I wonder what it is people are more afraid of. Is it that we fear the heat of the flame or is it that we fear losing that which we have become so accustom to hiding behind?

God opens our eyes to things that must be changed, things we must put away, childish things, things of the world. Things that we have learned to live with, or chosen to live with. Many times we find that they are tucked neatly away, hidden behind a mask.

When we first put on our mask it was unnatural and uncomfortable, but as we continue to wear it it becomes natural. We put it on every morning before we get up, and eventually we stop taking it off when we lay down. There comes a point when the mask starts fooling the wearer more and the viewer less. The mask becomes our truth and underneath our truth the secrets still remain. the cleaner we keep the mask the more we want to hide the secrets, the struggles, the imperfections. The mask becomes our truth, and sometimes we forget what it was we used to be, we forget what we would look like with out a mask, we fear that with out the mask we are our secrets.

So the question remains... is it the pain that comes from burning off the plastic that we are scared of, or the losing of the mask and all the secrets underneath?

The truth we must realize is that if the Mask is put to the flame all the stuff hidden underneath it will also be burned away, even the person so that all our imperfections can be burned away and we can see in the mirror a reflection of the one who created us, more than what we were when we began.

I've been putting off starting a project titled "the Masquerade" and I have no doubt that a part of that is because some were inside I know that it will call to question what masks I still hide behind... and I have to ask myself this same question, what is it that I am afraid of?

Biking

I have only recently gotten into the bicycle thing. My bike is cheap, my helmet is good, my ipod has a cracked screen, and my bottle cage is duct taped to my bike. It's not a professional set up. as a matter of fact I don't know that I would call it an amateur set up.

Despite this I am quite fond of my bike. Once plastered with random "mongoose" stickers which I removed. and a unruly at best gear mechanism (we'll just call it that for now, I know that's not what it's called bike people) I got the bike on a whim for its price (Wally world special) and the fact that it had a full suspension that I knew would be fun for a rather large, steep, and rocky hill at Kids Camp.

Since I got it I already want a decent road bike, something that can seriously move. But until I save the money to get one it'll be me and the silver wonder.

I had a light bulb moment today. Riding the bike to church for the Bike Run (haha, irony) I can make it to church in around 15-20 min depending on how casual I'm feeling (usually more casual on the way home)

Pulling into the church I can feel my legs, they are telling me "When you get of this bike we are gonna have a good long talk" but they keep trucking just the same. My heart likewise is telling me that as soon as we are done it's got a mind to jump out of my throat and punch me in the face... but on it pumps.

And then I get off...

You can't sit down after something like that, the body is shocked, it can be dangerous... and chances are you will not be able to stand for some time. so there I am, finishing off my water bottle, bent half over having that conversation with my legs. The thought "I had a perfectly good car at home I could have DROVE" did not hesitate to cross my mind.

But the fact is that I never once think that when I am ON the bike. No matter how much my legs burn, how hot the air in front of me is, I never think about the fact that I didn't have to ride. I just aim to get to the next space ahead of me, where ever that space leads.


Now for the spiritual moment:

The real pain comes when you get off and the body has time to remind you exactly how much it just worked. The muscles have been stretched and worked and changed. Standing there afterward you are no longer working the muscle, but it has not stopped telling you there is a change taking place. And whats more sitting down right off the bike could potentially harm that change.

Kinda like spiritual change some times.

We often go threw change, revival, revelation. Never thinking about how hard it is, how much work is being done. But once we "Get off the bike" we are hit with it all and so many times we sit strait down and don't let that change take a permanent hold on our lives. It's the hardest part of a serious work out, like a runner who takes that one last walk around the track after running for a mile. You don't WANT to, the feelings you are suddenly faced with all seem to point to the "Go sit your butt down" option.

So, how many times have you "Sat down" and later on when you tried to get back up you realized sitting down so fast was not a good idea?

I know I'm moving... I just don't know where.

hmm. It's been a while since I blogged anything.

well the reason for that is simple enough, I haven't thought of anything interesting enough to blog... or just haven't been in the mood.

simple answer right?

Lately I've been going in a lot of different directions. My car being broke has put me off center for the past week or so. Some people could care less what they drive as long as they get from point a to point b. I am not one of those people. Not knowing how long this is going to take and constantly finding snags along the way are killing me.

Kinda like my spiritual life... strangely enough.

I know God is working in me. I have no idea what he is doing or planning, though I know what I would LIKE for him to be doing or planning. I am doing my very best to hold on for dear life in the hope that I end up where I'm supposed to be. It's hard to hold on and wait for something when you don't know where you are going, or what you have to do to get there.

At least with the car I know what the end looks like, while I'm still not sure what it will take to get there.

the "reverse" God Moment

Every one loves "God Moments" the times you look back on and know that you know that God was doing some crazy stuff in you. The times when you just felt God moving. I have had plenty of "God Moments" in my life, when I thought I was gonna change my world and be on fire for the rest of my life and go go go...and then I'd fall flat on my face.

Well this week the Youth had "the Awakening" a crazy revival that was pumped full of God every night. It was one of those events you just KNOW is gonna rock you to the core.

Except it didn't.

Oh God showed up alright. Every service God did some amazing things in peoples lives, people were changed, lives were changed, and "God Moments" were experienced.

Except for me.

All week long I went into it hoping to find God, hoping to break into some incredible moment, some great heart felt worship. I wanted to have a "God Moment", but it never happened, not even tonight when God took the entire plan for the night, flipped it on its head, and hit it with a baseball bat.

It got me on my knees. I talked a lot, out loud, hoping God was listening. It forced me to be honest with myself. I didn't know what was going on or what I was supposed to do. I really did expect God to show up randomly and say "Ok, I'm here...God Moment" but it never happened.

I think He gave me a little perspective. OK, He gave me a lot of perspective. He proved that while I need Him, He does not need me. He gave me a place from which to restart my relationship with Him. I will need help. I will need a lot of help, from God and from the people He has put in my life.

God made a point NOT to show up to me this week. It hurt. I still don't know exactly where to go, what to do, or even how to understand what his plan in this is, but I do know that I don't ever want to have to be reminded that I'm slacking on my relationship with Him.

I know now how God feels when He calls out to me and I don't listen...

ER

My family as a rule does not like the hospital. If some one doesn't make us go chances are we will not go. Take the least amount of fun you could ever have and them multiply it and then double that and make it last a couple of hours (day/weeks depending) and you have a hospital experience.

Some people just go to the hospital, weather they are indifferent about the situation, or are still annoyed that they have to go but would rather be safe. My family (especially the guys) would rather wait it out... I mean like you tell me an illness/issue and I'll show you a group of people who would seriously consider sitting in the recliner and saying: "Got to die some time"

we don't like hospitals.



after my first visit to the ER in a long time (last time I went to the ER was before I started school) I have reinforced the dislike of hospitals...two hours and a fluffy white bandage later and I'm leaving the ER wondering why I let myself talk myself into going in the first place... and then I remember how much my thumb had been hurting prior. I still say it would have been fine with out the fancy solution they made me soak it in for that two(ish) hours.

Happy 4th of July

the 4th of July is probably the greatest holiday for the American people. sure, you don't get gifts, but you do get to hang out with loved ones and celebrate the greatest experiment the world has ever known.

Being a red blooded American I absolutely love the fourth of July. being a self proclaimed pyromaniac I also absolutely love shooting off fireworks.

I'm so thankful that every year we are able to celebrate the sacrifice that was made to make this country great. Sure, there are things that are messed up. Sure there are things I don't agree with. But for all the mistakes and trouble and problems this is still the "Land of the Free and the home of the Brave"

God Bless America!