the "reverse" God Moment

Every one loves "God Moments" the times you look back on and know that you know that God was doing some crazy stuff in you. The times when you just felt God moving. I have had plenty of "God Moments" in my life, when I thought I was gonna change my world and be on fire for the rest of my life and go go go...and then I'd fall flat on my face.

Well this week the Youth had "the Awakening" a crazy revival that was pumped full of God every night. It was one of those events you just KNOW is gonna rock you to the core.

Except it didn't.

Oh God showed up alright. Every service God did some amazing things in peoples lives, people were changed, lives were changed, and "God Moments" were experienced.

Except for me.

All week long I went into it hoping to find God, hoping to break into some incredible moment, some great heart felt worship. I wanted to have a "God Moment", but it never happened, not even tonight when God took the entire plan for the night, flipped it on its head, and hit it with a baseball bat.

It got me on my knees. I talked a lot, out loud, hoping God was listening. It forced me to be honest with myself. I didn't know what was going on or what I was supposed to do. I really did expect God to show up randomly and say "Ok, I'm here...God Moment" but it never happened.

I think He gave me a little perspective. OK, He gave me a lot of perspective. He proved that while I need Him, He does not need me. He gave me a place from which to restart my relationship with Him. I will need help. I will need a lot of help, from God and from the people He has put in my life.

God made a point NOT to show up to me this week. It hurt. I still don't know exactly where to go, what to do, or even how to understand what his plan in this is, but I do know that I don't ever want to have to be reminded that I'm slacking on my relationship with Him.

I know now how God feels when He calls out to me and I don't listen...